Recently, I had a revelation of biblical proportions, while perusing my Netflix queue, that I found profound enough to spend my lunch break writing about.
I am pretty lazy.
And by lazy I mean: as a law abiding and self-entitling American of moderate means, I expect the things I desire delivered at my convenience with little or no effort on my part.
Netflix plays into this role perfectly. I can spend 15 minutes adding movies to a list while sitting on my derriere and they magically appear a few days later, in happy red packaging. I don't really even have to know which movies I like anymore because Netflix suggests movie choices based on what I've already seen, thereby ensuring I don't have to watch anything unusual or out of the norm of my safe little viewing world.
So while adding movies to my queue this past weekend, Netflix prompted me to add "Seven", a crime drama starring Brad Pitt and Morgan Freeman. Although I actually own this particular film in DVD form, I added it to my queue so I wouldn't have to dig through my boxes of unpacked DVDs looking for it if I so desired to see Brad hollering "What's in the box?!!" at the superior acting intelligence that is Kevin Spacey.
And then my revelation.
I am pretty lazy. As represented in the film by the dude tied to the bed with all the piney freshness dangling around him, I have become quite slothful about my movie watching experience. I refuse to actually GO to a theater after 6pm for fear that I will end up destroying the youth of some tween babbling thru my $10.00s of entertainment.
SO I began ticking off the cardinal no-no's I have been so naively led into committing by Netflix and realized...
1. Sloth - totally
2. Lust - Soft core porn easily available with no age restrictions
3. Gluttony - Making your queue so extensive, you could never actually watch all those damn movies.
4. Greed - Ordering 3 movies at a time that you know you will not watch for at least a month anyway
5. Wrath - bitching out Netflix when they skip over the new releases to send you stuff further down your queue
6. Envy - Jealous of the bitches who got your new releases first.
7. Pride - Showing off your extensive queue to visitors to see if they have respect for your awesome taste in film.
In conclusion...
Netflix is the devil!
You're Welcome.
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